There are patterns that exist, that make up my daily life. I do not take myself seriously enough for this to be considered a morbid post. No pity is permitted.
I have multiple anxiety disorders. I have very recently been exposed to truth regarding my previously inexplainable symptoms. OCD is the most obvious (to the observing eye) of these, so let me begin here.
The dictionary describes a disorder as the following; ‘a state of confusion’ ; ‘abnormality’; ‘problem that interupts normal fuction’ etc.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. A mental and/or psychological abnormality.
OCD is categorized as an anxiety disorder. Anxiety, not being a strain of Influenza, is rarely discussed. This may be why we consider people with OCD “abnormal” instead of shamefully naming the psychological patterns that influence the presence of this disorder.
I have repeatedly explained that my OCD is ‘slight’, fearing the ridicule that exists despite how far I argue my “normality”. Its hard to explain to a “normal” person how you cannot enjoy a meal on a disorganized table or in a messy area, because it simply makes you uncomfortable.
Im taunted mostly by those closest to me. I dread to know how those who suffer more severe cases cope with the name calling, rolling of eyes and unnecessary pranks. If I had R50 for each time a friend purposefully disorganized objects around me to trigger a response, I would be writing this from my the sky, in a crystal ladden private jet.
Very few also know what to call their so called ‘over the top’ behavior regarding cleanliness, symmetry, etc. Considering my experience it may be a good thing they do not know after all.
I am happy with my abnormality. It prompts attention to detail, cleanliness and less unnecessary chats in social messengers ( I text with a set amount of contacts at a time, in even numbers that rarely exceed 10). I plan to research further, in terms of its hereditry effects, so that some day I may teach my children to embrace and live their ‘normal’, what ever it may be.