Thought Box

A profound and interesting take on relationships by the late Myles Munroe 

A good friend shared the following with me. I think it is something woman should consider and men should reflect on;

*Getting understanding in Marriage!*
Listen to this, often times we misplace our priorities when searching for a partner. I want to open our eyes to something using the Bible. 
When you take a look at the first marriage in history, Gen 2:24… After God made man, he put him in the Garden of Eden, the word “Eden” is an Hebrew word for “where God dwells” so the first thing God gave man was *”His Presence*”. So the first thing a man needs is NOT a woman, it is the presence of God, and a woman should meet him in the presence of God. Eve met Adam in Eden.
Some women amaze me, they leave the presence of God, go outside to find a man and then try to drag him back into the presence of God. 
The next thing God gave man in after putting him in the Garden was *WORK*. (Gen 2:15) God gave man work before woman. That means a man needs a job before he gets a woman. God’s priorities are very clear.
The third thing God told man was *”Cultivate”…… Cultivate here means, bring out the best in everything around you*, to maximize the potentials of everything and everyone around you, To make everything fruithful. He only said that to the male. 
That’s why God will never give a man a finished woman. The male was created by God to create what he wants. The woman you are looking for doesn’t exist, she’s in your head. Your job is to take the raw material you married and cultivate her into the woman in your head. So you have been married for 20yrs and you still don’t like the product you get, that’s your fault. If your wife is putting a little weight and you don’t like that, don’t criticize her, it’s your job to wake her at 6am, ” Hey baby, let’s go jogging”  You don’t like her dress, take her to a boutique and buy her cloths you like. She can’t speak good English? Send her to school and pay her tuition fee. CULTIVATE HER!!!!
The fourth thing God said to man, he said “Guard the Garden”. The man has to be the protector of everything under his care. That’s why God gave you a stronger bone frame. A bigger muscle mass, not to abuse the woman, but to protect the woman.
The last thing God gave man was his Word… God told man not to touch the tree, God never told the woman about the tree, NEVER!!!….. Which means it was the man WHO received the word of God and his job was to teach his wife the word of God. Nothing frustrates a woman like when she asks her man “So what do you think” and the dummy answers “what ever you think is OK”….. Don’t do that bro, don’t do that. She’s looking for knowledge and direction.
That was the last command God gave to man in Vs 17, Now watch this, in vs 18, God said, “It is not good for this man to be alone” now, don’t just read the statement fast, read it again slowly ” it is not good for THIS MAN to be alone” WHAT MAN???

The man who is 

*In His presence*

*Has a job (working)*

*Can Cultivate you*

*Can protect you*

*Can teach you*
So here’s the problem, if you meet a man who doesn’t like His Presence, isn’t working, can’t cultivate you, can’t protect you and can’t teach you then IT IS GOOD FOR THAT MAN TO BE ALONE…
Summary from Late Myles Munroe’s teaching on male and female relationship…

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But I couldn’t 

If only I could say what I really mean. 

With a passion for writing and a natural ability to engage, you would assume that I would take any opportunity to bare my raw thoughts, but I couldn’t. Not with prying eyes and spectators who are more concerned with the business of others. Not as a practioner in the entertainment industry who’s partner is growing daily in celebrity status. Not as someone who has already suffered front page stage lights and lashings on the Internet. 

I am also a musician. I could have written songs that tell my stories and choreographed dance pieces that paint the picture, but I couldn’t. My eyes would swell up with tears, my chest would grow tight, my hands numb with anxiety, I would simply buckle.

For a while now I have alluded through my blog, social media and other mediums that I am having some difficulty navigating this ‘life thing’. I can now attest to a human flaw in the digital age. We rarely can draw the line between what we share and our personal lives. From rants to encrypted status updates to bible verses, we hold back very little. People close to us however can usually tell. They will send a kind text warning you of the possible repercussions of airing your dirty laundry. But, when you are filled with enough ills you begin to emit the vile toxins, sometimes without intention.

My anxiety disorders are amplified when various stressors present themselves. My disorder also presents itself physically. If you have had to say to me “Mathunzi, you look tired”, this is probably why. In itself, anxiety is something that is very hard to explain. Even those closest to you, who have perhaps observed an intense panic attack, or have read a page with your diagnosis cannot always fully grasp what you are experiencing. I have grown tired of trying to explain it or how recent events make it almost impossible to get through it quickly enough. Everyone has a solution by the way. The most popular is “Pray”.  Do not get me wrong, I sincerely appreciate these sentiments. Sadly my silence does not give you a large enough scope to allow you to prescribe a remedy. (Prayer is always appropriate, but is it enough).

An emotion I experience quite often is rage. I am angry. And even angrier that I cannot speak as I please. I am angry that some decisions about my life were made void of my presence or opinion. I am angry that my temper and reactions to being taunted and abused were used to guilt trip me into submission to suffer more, and sometimes even more aggressive abuse. It upsets me greatly that, more so as a woman, you must find ways to mask your pain and still miraculously show up. The horror in discovering that women are woman’s greatest oppressor. From vague disrespect to out right cruelty. A generation of inhumane social predators.

Not all my experiences were cultivated by another person or people, some of it was beyond human control. It however does not take away from my failure to comprehend the active and purposed participation of humans in destabilising anothers entire existence. Obviously no one has the power or capacity to achieve this, but they will at least try. With a need to feel superior or greater than, humans who are made of weak moral fibre and poor self actualization will do just about anything to “thrive”. Sometimes sadly, the people closest to you will embark on this damaging assignment, leaving not only you and loved ones empty, but themselves entirely worn. When this occurs the most likely turn is that of ambition to bitterness, causing for more evils to stir.

Someone said to me recently that I refuse to accept that there is very little good in some people. This then poses as a problem in accepting my circumstances which are conditoned by such persons. Maybe this is why I fail to speak. I fail to speak because I am yet to process. I fear being ridiculed for premature outlandish vocalisations of my truth. I fear my decisions to protect myself may not be seen as “normal” enough to be found acceptable.
I have said enough in writing this to trust that my voice has not been consumed and one day I will speak. It’s funny how I always urge others to speak. Not only speak, but seek help and support. To value themselves and the one life they get to live. To love themselves fiercely. I ask them to come to be and never fear judgment. I ask God to make things right. To elevate them from the confines of confusion and hurt. But I couldn’t do this for myself.

I am not ashamed of my scars or my fresh woulds which are salted on occasion. I am simply enslaved by the fear of exposing what lays beneath these bandages in case I fail to recover. I love myself enough to have started the process off removing things and people who do not serve me well. I simply don’t know how one learns to ‘unlove’ in learning to better love themselves.

I will write about learning to forgive myself another time. What a necessary process. My apologies again to the reader whom I did not satisfy by leaving out all the tantalising details. Maybe over a cup of coffee 

 

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