And scene (2017).

I peeled off my legendary  ‘mask of composure’ for all of two seconds but the tears continued dropping for roughly an hour. I had my Samsung in hand, plotting via Whatsapp text, the moves and manoeuvres I have prepared to carry into January 2018. Most of the faces on the other end of the line will not be able to tell that on some days my heart still shatters. On some days, I really don’t have it all together.

The year 2017 has been far more gracious than the two years that preceed it.  Thank God! So much so, I finally caught a glimpse of my not so familiar “happy weight” and I remember to eat at least twice a day. Again, there are earthly angels who have held my hand through even these things, that seem small, like chewing and swallowing more than one spoonful.

My Montessori practicals brought about routine, which was necessary.  I had forgotten that my best days are Mondays, just before sunrise. Should I tell you about Mondays? The promise they carry? Maybe another time.  I am so beautifully privileged to live, learn, grow and love amongst children in the Montessori environment.  These humans cleanse my spirit. They are God’s tangible reminder that He can make anything new. And that when He creates He does this with great delicacy coupled only with the agape kind of love. That even through challenged speech, crooked walks and difficult tantrums there is so much beauty and potential. So so much.

I laid my favourite uncle Stephan to rest on my birthday, 06-04-2017.  I walked into my parent’s living room and my father held me as if he would never let go again. My mother tried to break the news as gently as possible; This birthday like a few others would be heavy.  I smiled, genuinely on that Thursday afternoon.  Every mother who raised me, remembered that their little girl was growing up, painfully yes, but growing still. One mother sang quietly whilst holding me in the warmest embrace at the gravesite. Oh the joy.  My cousin sister Phumzile loved to sing. She had a stunning contra alto and was so humerous. She has 3 young children who with us bid her farewell about a month before. Death snatched her before her very own birthday.  The Wednesday after her passing, my mother would lose her cousin, my maternal uncle. I could continue with this morbid list but rather not. I will share this however; Never have I anticipated and yearned for a text from the being who became a stranger as I did during that time. If not for my comfort, just to know that they are still breathing.

I got rid of those dreadlocks that most of you had come to appreciate. And they will not make a return in the new year, or ever. There were a few lessons locked in those loose curl locs though, such as patience. Could we learn to be just a bit more patient with ourselves? Allow ourselves to break down so we can build bigger canvases for the masterpieces we were born to become. We are made of so much, to be so much, so why the rush? Who are you pitted against except you, that you must hurry sometimes with no plan or pleasure in the moments pocketed in your journey?

I am realising that if I attempt to breakdown every pivotal piece in 2017, I may lose you half way through this blog. We can’t risk this in case I have some epic one liner to share right at the end. So please stay with me, almost there.

Music. We are still an “old married couple”. We bicker quite a bit but the love? Endless. I placed The Verse on a partial hiatus for many reasons, including seriously not having enough time to be as dedicated to the music and management affairs as I should be. Also because I am exhausted of coming home with only enough to cover petrol for a night and squeeze in those horrid burgers from that place which is closely matched to my surname. I have the pleasure however of working with the most talented artists, who constantly feed my soul and mind with their art. I am grateful for this. Theatre fits into the neat bag of goodies carrying the better part of my year. What a beautiful medium. Stories that break your heart and mend it all at the same time. Have you seen Masasa Mbangeni on stage? You should.

“You need to own the fact that you are an actress” said the director after the acting workshop. “You are magic” said my gorgeous Tess after the shooting of a pilot with our mutual friend Kabomo. I had completely forgotten this. I became so familiar with appreciating what was around me, what was inside me was brutally silenced. I reach into the bag of better things and scream chants of gratitude to the angels that walk in dust as humans do because I am now AWAKE.

I can not call you all by name but know that the God who sees me, sees you.

I’ve stopped crying, for now. I have things to giggle about. I have things to sit in praise about. I have stuff to pray for and pray about.  Because I want laugh as I did in this year; tenfold at the break of a new season. I want to blush and bite my lip while my eyelashes fall in a dry(tearless) curl. I want to make you laugh too. I want to be strong for you. So I cry when life asks me to, so that I better understand your tears and gently drag you to a place of quiet.  You can then choose to burrow and break so that you can begin to rebuild but if you need a bit more time for it to make sense, that is okay too. I have been here.

Mondays are full of promise. So is a new year. The 1st of January is just another day, if you choose to see it that way. I thankfully have OCD, hahaha, so the first of anything is brilliant really. Ask me personally about this

Happy New Year

@Mluart

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The UNposted Post 

There are roughly 30 (thirty) posts uncomfortably sitting in the drafts folder of Mathunzi Macdonald’s personal blog account. Ridiculous?

There are things I have been unable to speak openly about for fear of ridicule and possible public shame. There are topics I realized I had very little interest in and would be posting, well for the sake of posting. There are things I could have shared that had the potential to label me a complete “sham” as they would simply be depicting my “social media appropriate life”.

The launch of my website http://www.mathunzi.com came with a promise of regular blog posts about everything Mathunzi. I assured friends and family that I was ready to wear my scars proudly and share in my “Johannesburg City Life” and all the various things that I do work wise and in my leisure time. What I did not anticipate was yet another dramatic twist in my lifes story that would leave me seriously wounded. That wound would be left gaping for cups of salt to be splattered inside throwing me into blissful constant agony.

The launch of my site in itself was, to put it mildly, a MIRACLE.

It would surprise even the developer himself to know that the means to compile content and afford his services, literally streamed from heavens windows. Poor health sent my photoshoots soaring into black holes leaving me indebted and without a single pretty picture to continue the public display of “I am fine, but not if you look close enough”. Dazed by my circumstance, I fell into habits of mismanagement of funds, neglect of studies and business development (let us not speak of the neglegence of self, we will need a bit more time on that), disregard of good health, grooming or/and an ordered environment (OCD took leave on most days). The short of it; Things were a mess, I was a mess.

Two therapists have shared common opinion regarding my failure to grieve and process traumatic events, having suffered quite a few in a short space of time. Knowing that this process is necessary, I still have barely begun. So how could I possibly write about something I have not yet experienced? Instead I would continue recycling pep talks which are constructed around what I assume my readers may want to hear, may sympathise with or what may blind them to how devastating certain realities really are. What is the point then? Why am I the “conversationalist” having this conversation if I am not willing to HAVE the conversation?

For instance, the cutting of my hair and re-design of my first tattoo (yes brethren, I am inked).               These were not fashion statements, neither was it testiment to my Malawian genealogy which allows for rapid hair growth in a preferred texture or the seemingly new found “liberal rebellion” exercised within the church by openly flaunting ink and piercings. I simply wasn’t and probably still am not ready, to discuss in a meaningful and purposeful manner, what carrying the lifeless body of your baby until it is surgically removed really feels like and spells out for the rest of your life. Or the symbolic meaning behind the removal of the product of the hair journey you started only because he said he preffered it on you. How you trusted it would be part of a new beginning that never came and how life not so politely shoved your nose in the dust and said “Start again, and please leave that mess on your head behind. I doubt you can afford to maintain it anyway with that odd textured curly hair without the support of a suitor”.

Call me a liar however if I deny that I remain blessed and well set up, and that I should have less excuses around the commitment to these conversations.

I have lived a relatively charmed life in the greater scheme of things. I am surrounded by beautiful beings who indulge me in genuine support, love and memorable shared experiences. I am blessed with talents, intent and a know how in multiple fields. “Broke” remains relative as I still enjoy certain luxuries and perks. (Necessary)Opportunities have been made available to me by both man and the universe. I am able to better discern as far as who is FOR me and who is simply there to add colour to my already colourful life. And I have learnt to have a very different kind of conversation with God.

I have spent a lot of time asking God to fix IT and not to fix ME. I have asked Him to help me forgive him or her and forgot to mention how I need to forgive myself. I prayed (or rather recited the popular petition text) for my daily bread and failed to simply ask for assistance in meeting my blog deadlines.(We only talk to God about serious business huh? In our best English?)                                      God had become some mystical figure and not my father and friend. I had to reintroduce my self and allow Him to do the same. My conversations with Him now make for better conversations with YOU.

May I kindly not make any promises at this point but assure you that I want to be in constant, honest, purposeful conversation with you.

My site http://www.mathunzi.com, developed by Sibisi Media Group, will be updated as regularly as possible to keep you up to date with what is happening in my life and the work that I will be doing and progress I hope to make. It will open a window of communication to explore what can be achieved in collaboration in the various fields of work and play.

Thembekile Tsoari, with the assistance of other artists, will help document the interesting and exciting moments in my life through photography and videography. Most of these engagements may be found on my Instagram accounts, my personal account being @thunzy_

I will be healing, learning, living, laughing and loving. I will be going through this life thing understanding that I only get to do it ONCE. I will be having conversations with YOU.

Here, 29 August 2017 at 03:30 – POSTED.

Thando Vokwana – Asaman 

Asaman sits down with 29 year old Thando Vokwana. A Forex & Fixed Income Trader and an avid fitness enthusiast. Here is his story  

Define manhood in a short paragraph

Our lack of proper education on manhood and credible role models has led to the deterioration of manhood. Which has created a deluded image in our modern youth of what a “real man” should be; “Always be strong. Never cry.” It’s as simple as this for me.

Taking responsibility for everything in your life. That’s what it is, that’s all it is. Taking responsibility for where you are, good or bad.

Tell us a bit about your childhood

 I was born in PE, in a single parent home for the majority of my life and had the experience of an absent father – who passed away when I was 7. My mother is and was truly my everything. She fulfilled the role of mother and father quite admirably – sacrificing a lot on her part to groom me into the person I am today. Unfortunately she passed away in my teen years. I’ve always been very active and highly competitive and my mom gently nudged me into playing a lot of sport. This is where I met my best friend who has become my brother. His parents ended up adopting me when my mom past away and in some way my life has come full circle in knowing what the normality of a home where a mother and father are present and very involved feels like.

Who are the men that most influenced you and continue to do so? Please share how they have groomed you

As I mentioned earlier that I never really had a male role model till the later years of my life where my adopted father has had the biggest influence. Coming from being an extremely angry young man he has really guided me in finding peace within myself. He has really sacrificed a lot for me – taking me in as one of his own children and loving me as his own child, enhancing my spiritual journey. He has also taught me to see beyond colour and find value in people. Coming from a black home and moving into a white family was a difficult adjust but one I’m glad we got to experience as a family but that’s a story for another day.

You recently made the choice to get married,could you share what such a commitment means to you and what it would mean for your family structure if you chose to have children.

I find that commitment is something that’s lacking in modern society- we’re quick to call it quits when things get rough, look at the high divorce rates. Commitment for me is even more profound having the background that I have, growing up without a father and knowing the struggles my mother had to go through . It was an easy process for me to commit knowing that I genuinely found someone who’s happiness mattered more than mine, someone who you can see yourself growing as a person with and someone who’s not afraid to call you out even under the toughest circumstances. Being committed means being able to sacrifice – whatever my family needs – putting their needs ahead of mine. I hope one day to be able to pass this knowledge onto our kids.

How is fitness integrated in your life,and what does it mean to you?

I work under very stressful circumstances and I find it very difficult to switch off since my mind is always at work. Crossfit, the gym and instructing Movement X classes are where I find I can turn off and finally forget about. It’s a stress reliever for me. I’ve always been an active person – played tons of sport – so it’s been a seamless transition and it helps keep me young (healthy mind – healthy bond). I also embarked on competing in fitness & bodybuilding shows for the first time this year.

Professionally you are, in a more simpler term,a trader. What does your job entail?

A lot of stress, sleepless nights and more stress (just kidding). Most people think that trading is like playing roulette. You’d be very surprised. Any trade I put on my trading book involves a lot of analysis – understanding market trends, factors or news stories that could possibly sway market direction and knowing exactly where to cut your losses. I love the fact that my job gives me worldly knowledge, has taught me to be more disciplined in other areas of my life and challenges me everyday.

Is what you do professionally what you always wanted to do or are there other prospects you would have liked to explore?

I always thought I’d be a doctor growing up until I discovered how squeamish I was in my first year at university. So the plan changed and I explored the world of finance. As a black man I’ve always had a dream of opening up our community’s eyes to the world of finance – giving ugogo ePeddi access to hedge funds and educating her in the process. I plan on opening a hedge fund in the next couple of years that will focus on utilising resources in the lower to middle income classes.

Morality wears thin in today’s society, what do you feel could be done to remedy this? 

Mindset is everything. I liken it to the competitive world of sports where you can do anything if you win. The same thinking can be applied to someone who thinks they’re winning in general and tell themselves, “You know that girl? She’s my trophy. I deserve that girl. In fact, she doesn’t even want to be with me, but I don’t care. I’m going to take it.” That type of mindset should never ever be tolerated. I guess in some way it’s about being mindful of others, respecting yourself and those around you. It requires a lot of introspection and really discovering who you are – something that we’ve become unaccustomed to doing as a soceity – since a person’s worth is more closely defined by their material possesions and the amount of bravado they exhibit.

How was your experience with the Asaman campaign?

It was an unusual experience being in front of the camera but the campaign as a whole is refreshing as it gives a platform for young men to share their thoughts and ideas and inspire the next generation of young men.


Thando’s fiance is a good friend of mine, this is how we met. There is a simple lesson Iv learned in the time Iv spent with him; Never judge a book by its cover. And the application of this simple proverb would do us much good. We we learn so much more about not only others but ourselves. 

Another story that speaks to the insignificance of circumstance at the face of determination and will. 

 In today’s fast paced lifestyle where instantaneous gratification is the norm, endurance no longer exists. Endurance to stomach the rough patches we go through in our personal relationships and everyday life in general. 

Photography by Aaron & Hur  

Chris Zola Dube – Asaman 

Asaman meets with Chris Zola Dube. 27 year old IT Network Engineer and businessman. He shares his story 

 


Tell us a little bit about your childhood

I grew up in Joburg, having lost both my parents at a very young age,  I was thrown in this Independence thing at a very early stage of my life. My father passed away in a car accident when I was doing 5th grade, at that stage I had no male role model to look up to in my life. We were not really close, so it was easy for me to get over it. My mother had to play both roles and in 2003 she passed on from pneumonia and at that moment I never thought I will be where I am now. Because of the friends and family that God blessed me with, I am where I am because of their support.

Which men influenced you the most growing up and how so? 

As I mentioned earlier, I never really had a male role model in my teen years up until I met a family friend uncle who acquired his millions in his early 20’s. I aspired to be like him in every way, the only problem was that his ways around women were not something to look up to and his spiritual life was also not uplifting to anyone, but at that young stage of my life that didn’t matter, all I wanted was to be a successful young man at whatever cost. I started attending church at TESDA (Tshwane East SDA), there I met a lot of successful family men, the likes of Adv Mkhize, Mr Digkole etc, they showed me that you can be successful in your career and still hold the spiritual values and family values without compromising the image of a real man.

Do you think that in society today we have men who stand as good examples? 

Definitely, the only problem is that this world is full of so much evil, all we hear about is rape, women abuse, child abuse, murder, corruption, Nkandla…we wake up to this kind of news on a daily basis and the goodness of men is over shadowed by the ones who are just males rather than men. 

What do you do professionally and was it your ideal?

LOL… I ask myself that question every morning when I step inside the office. I have a lot of job titles in my organisation, I am a Project Manager, Technical Manager and a Senior Network Engineer (IT). I have also started a little business on the side, after realizing that you wake up every morning to make someone millions and millions of Rands while he is in bed, you come to appreciate the art of hard working and starting your own thing, not to be limited by a monthly pay check. So you can say I am the above mentioned and a business man.

Do you believe ones contentment in the workplace translates to the rest of their lives? And how so? 

I believe one should never be never content in their work space, that limits the ability for growth, you can be content as a CEO or COO of a organisation, but not anything lower, after a while you tend to start complaining about things you cant change in a work place and then you start being content about those thing and end up being miserable and the you translate all of that to your household which will have significant implications in your home. 

Do you wish to be a father some day and what would you ideally teach your children to better them as the next generation? 

I do wish to start a family one day and be a parent. One thing I would teach my children is that they should never be victims of their circumstances, every circumstance should build them to be better people. One of the biggest problems about black people is South Africa is that 20 years after democracy, they are still playing victim of apartheid, once you get a mindset of entitlement YOU WILL NEVER get up and find something that will work for you

What is the one thing you wished someone had taught you that you had to learn through making a mistake? 

That love isnt what it seems in the movies..LOL

Do you believe the younger generation of men as is, is equip with enough to create a healthy community of men? 

Yes, not all hope is lost. Once a young man grows up knowing the Lord, all principles and values of creating a healthy community will fall into place without him being taught by any other man, God reveals more that you can imagine.

As a modern man,what are your thoughts on appearance and how does your personal style influence your confidence ? 

The idea of appearance versus reality is seen in everyday life; including relationships, religion, and school studies. The concept makes me feel oblivious to the world and all the knowledge it contains. I don’t completely agree with knowledge coming from experience, for I believe that the possibility of innate knowledge exists. Appearance versus reality opens the mind to considering how things we see is not really as they seem. For example, the term “love blind” used in everyday life can be incorporated in this situation. The person one is in love with seems flawless because he/she is everything one thinks they want, but in reality, that might not be the case. We see the tip of the iceberg, but not everything about it. The first thing that you must do to improve confidence in your appearance is let go of self-doubt. Stop your negative thoughts about being too fat or not handsome enough. Then, if you’re receiving negative feedback from others, make sure you stop listening to it. The only way to gain self-confidence is to feel confident about yourself as you are. 


I am thankful that people like Chris exist, and even more grateful that he exists in my space. Self pity is such common practice and here’s a man who defied the norm, has risen above tragedy and circumstance whilst maintaining and sharing a demeanor of calm and kindness. Asaman takes great pleasure in engaging with men of chatacter. 

  Your destiny is to fulfill those things upon which you focus most intently. So choose to keep your focus on that which is truly magnificent, beautiful, uplifting and joyful. Your life is always moving towards something 

Photography by Aaron & Hur  

Ndumiso Hadebe – Asaman 

24 year old Ndumiso Hadebe is a Business speaker, Mentor and Economist. Asaman sits down with him.   

What would you say makes and keeps you happy? 

What makes and keeps me happy is first the love and fellowship I have with my Creator. I derive a lot of pleasure from my relationship with Him. I also love and enjoy being and seeing people happy, I have a heart for people and so I have  gratification when people around me are happy. 

Tell us a bit about what you do in your professional capacity 

I work as a researcher in the enterprise development sector, so I do a lot of work in relation to the development of smaller business and their contribution in local economies. 

I also work as a consultant and speaker through a new consulting business I have recently started, Master Frontiers Advisory. I work with clients in government, banking and civil society sectors in providing them insights on frontier and emerging economies and how they can navigate the work they do in these changing times with a bias towards our young population.  

Are you fulfilled in regards to what you do on a daily basis or is there something else that you would like to explore? 
I am one person who has always been deliberate about pursuing purpose and doing what I love. 

I believe in the story of a rising Africa and the economic potential that it can unlock. I believe it is my duty to tell this story far and wide. My life both inside and outside of my work reflects the same theme.

So I am fulfilled by the work that I do on a daily basis, I would not be doing anything else at this point.

What is your honest opinion on the general moral state of young men today and do you feel it can be made better? 

I think that we live in a world that is changing so quickly, from a young age we have access to all sorts of information and influences. 

To a point where we are essentially forced to grow up quicker than previous generations and of course this had an influence on the moral state of young men. We are prone to being gullible to material things, seek instant gratification and a loss of a sense of self and self knowing. 

I once came a across a quote saying :” All of these selfies but is there self knowledge?” . So I guess as young men, in the midst of change, it is important that we do not loose sight of who we are and a destined to be become.

Where did you grow up and who raised you? What are the important lessons you received growing up?  

I was born and in my formative years raised in Sebokeng, a township in the Vaal area, south of Johannesburg. 

I was raised by a Mbokodo, a loving, strong and powerful woman who raised 3 boys (my brothers and I ) and taught us about the love of God and invested in our education as a tool to give us and to create a better life for ourselves and our people. 

So the important lessons I learned and received growing up were exactly that, the knowledge of the love God has for us as His children and the value of education in the development of people and living out the fullness of life.

Do you feel fathers today are stepping up to what you feel their role should be? 

Well, the reality is that many of us have been raised by single mothers. On One Day Leader , a youth leadership programme on SABC 1, we all were raised by single mothers. 

This speaks to the fact that we need more father figure role models. Perhaps some of our young men have no knowledge of what manhood is about or themselves because there aren’t enough men to model. With that being said, there are a number of other men who are stepping up and mentoring young men. I am a product of such a father figure relationship.

Would you like to be a father, and what would you impart to your children? 

Haha I do look forward to being a father one day. My hope is to impart one lesson to them, a love and respect for God, themselves and their fellow man. Everything else will fall in to place.

What else do you enjoy doing outside of work? 

I love music! In my next life, I would want to be a musician, but a vocalist particularly. I enjoy reading and running as well. That is where I feed my creative space. 

You mentioned that you are not a ‘fan’ of titles, could you share why not? 

I believe in the perspective of leading without a title, because we are human and fall short at times, it is easy to be consumed by titles that we hold. But what I have come to learn, particularly after winning One Day Leader and being a Future Leaders mentor is that titles say very little about how well our lives are lead.

There are a lot of people who are doing amazing work around the world but they doing it from confines of a township, rural area with limited resources. So my view is that if we all were to share this perspective, we would make a huge difference in the lives of people and not think because I have a specific title, “I have arrived” . Our body of work is never complete. 


I was impressed with Ndumiso when we first met, but more so now and here is why. Nothing is put on. You can almost literally see the passion in his eyes. Yet he walks with such humility. His cheerful heart beams through his young face, and leaves behind an ora of goodness. 

At 24 many are yet to discover their purpose. He may still have a while to go, but it is refreshing to see a man of his age so passionate and driven with an actual cause. 

 ‘There is a difference between being a male and a man. Being a male is biological but manhood is about character’ 

Photography by Aaron & Hur  

Karabo Moeketsi – Asaman 

Asaman sits down with 29 year old Karabo Moeketsi. He forms 1/5 of the popular South African fusion band The Muffinz. 

  
What did you aspire to be growing up? 

I wanted to be a musician and/or evangalist.

Who stood as a father or male figure in your life and do you feel their influence was positive? 

My uncle Mokwena. He did a great job. He taught me how to drive like a maniac and also how to run away from girls (hahaha, as if) 

Did moving to Johannesburg change your outlooks in anway, regarding how you approach life? 

Yes it did. Jozi is the fast paced life. Taught me how to think on my feet. It taught me that I need to be grounded in the world. This is also where I found my girl who is now about to be my on going partner. 

What so you do on a professional level? 

I am a professional singer and bass player. I am also the managing director for a technology company called Happaro. 

Are you happy with what you do or do you have different prospects now? 

I am happy. God has been faithful. The time to spread the 3rd angels message is soon approaching and I am getting ready. I can not wait to go home. 

I know you to be extremely religious. Have you ever been in a position where your beliefs conflicted with something you aspired to achieve? 

Well, I always make it very, very, very clear where I stand, and its either you take me and my beliefs or you don’t take me at all. God always does the rest. 

Religious practice is no longer common practice. Do you feel it should be revisited by young men, and why? 

Unfortunately or fortunately the time we are in is prophetic. These things must come to pass before Christ comes back. Our duty as God’s chosen people is to spread God’s word throughout the world.

Tell me about the ‘warrior races’ that you take part in, and briefly share your views on fitness and health

I like things 😂 Fitness races like the Jeep warrior do more than just test your fitness. It is about disciple, perseverance and heart. What do you give when you have nothing to give. Those disciples build your character in the everyday world. Plus its so much fun. I love the outdoor adventure and extreme sport life. It is refreshing! Decreases stress levels 300%. Healthy living is something that is found in the bible… When we are healthy we are happier; we save lots of money and we can better do the work of the Lord.
Karabo has shown immense interest in the Asaman campaign. His affiliation is not only appreciated but commended. Very few people are passionate about good causes. I will forever be in awe of his unapologetic and openly expressive religious stance. If only we were all so definite in our choices…  

  ‘I am a perfectionist who is not a perfectionist; I am very relaxed but I believe there is a time for everything. No one said I cant have fun while doing it. I take everything I do seriously and put my all into it.’ – Karabo 

Photography by Aaron & Hur