A Good Goodbye

I desperately want to close this chapter of my life. As a matter of fact I have to. In doing so I am required to make a couple of changes.

I am saying goodbye to my blog.

Before anything else, THANK YOU.

My readers, friends, supporters, and yes the judgy Judy’s too; thank you for allowing me to share my heart. That you for allowing me to split open and spill generously. My personal life, work, lifestyle, thoughts, ideals and so much more has been splattered all over this WordPress medium and I have found much pleasure in discovering that like you I am simply human.

I’d like to create a more professional blog for my personal brand and my lifestyle blog. This will become available with the next http://www.mathunzi.com website update. I also wished to be booked for more professional writing work in various spaces, so rather that be my resume of all things “vocab”. The opportunity to study further has me taking advantage of the chance to better my technical writing technique. Allow me to grow and prepare to do better by my audience in future.

I will spend what is left of 2018 catching up. I have promised you so much and I will deliver as far as my being and time permits. I will then only manage comments and communication on this page and leave it open simple as a reminder of where I have come from.

The book

Turns out it isn’t as simple as one would assume or prefer. As much as “best selling author” is seemingly a popular title of late, putting actual pen to paper is not as breezy as a Sunday morning.

This how ever is a story that I must tell and I will tell it. On my own terms! This is where I will shift the pieces of both the making and the breaking of my heart to. I pray that someday someone picks up a copy and says “God must be real”.

Please do not categorise my work amongst the memoirs of victims. I am not here for that. I have ingested enough pity, mostly from self, to drown me for decades. Take me as I am. She who loved even after loves wrote her multiple goodbyes. She who said yes, again.

2018

Less than 90 days of this indescribably turbulent year. Stay with me if you dare as we say goodbye to that which was and can no longer be.

DM me for lunch dates. Email me for collaborations. Invite me to talks, campaigns, NGO’s and events. Let’s have those conversations

Mathunzi MacDonald

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Yes I do but no, I don’t

Backspace;

The opportunity to begin again with the telling of what it truly on my mind.

Interruptions have forced me to reconsider the structure of this post. This being the fourth attempt, I hope that what I wish to share translates as it should.

I hate asking you for help. I hate the crippling and shameful feeling that follows minutes after you agree. Agree to step into the gaps that I am yet to separate into the categories of “just human” and “all my fault”. I hate the marks left on my small round mirror when I spit mouthfuls of insults to self. See, I’m failing to get my script right as I rehearse my plea, and I can’t seem to find any ticket holders to the seats of my plight’s screening.

You laughed at me when I last told you that my petrol tank was empty. Audi drivers carry fat purses which cover the exhausted engines of our tireless hustles. So we laugh with you when we have to pretend that our vulnerabilities are but a big fat stomach turning joke.

I called my mother who scolded my tears because what are a few hundreds between family?

They are the story between 18 and 28 and every thing that did not go your way. They are the fees you donated to your lover which left you unqualified. The job you lost when tabloids were distributed as your curriculum vitae. Those tears are the exam you missed when the GAD you are constantly mocked for robbed you of sleep until the sun sung you a lullaby.

I stopped crying when you offered to drive me to the hospital. We both knew what could be otherwise. I had successfully dismantled the back bumper of that man’s NP200 when I so elegantly rammed my car into his at 40km’s p/h because my legs decided it was more fitting to be still. Sadly, you would be at work the next time I needed to visit the hospital, so I took an Uber to my 2nd child’s funeral. Card not cash.

I couldn’t blend my makeup for my social media appearance, where I would beg anyone who was going through even a fraction of what I was, to never shy away from asking for help. I opened the doors to my email and DM’s then tip toed to quickly shut the windows of my ever dramatic life. The light may expose the poor application of the foundation you suggested I purchase to cover my embarrassing skin. I noticed that you do not invite me to “our spots” anymore. Needy me might need you to defend me to your posh, prim and proper, ‘we only exist for the good times’ friends.

I needed a hand walking into September. I needed a hand packing what’s left of my photo albums. I needed a ride to pick up my medication. I needed a prayer. I needed you.

But I dare not burden you.

I dare not burden myself, as I already have by giving you parts of me that you never deserved and failing still to simply say no.

You remain entitled to my time, money, mind, body and soul. You get to laugh it off and forget my birthday. You have permission to remind me of what you think my father makes and how by some miracle it has become ours yet he does not know your first name.

What then do you call me? You call me Empath. Co dependent. Sucker for punishment

empath

ˈɛmpaθ/

noun

  1. (chiefly in science fiction) a person with the paranormal ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual.

    Deemed ‘kind to a fault’. A fault perceived as a gift. A gift that gives but leaks through the cracks of my naivety.

    Teach me to ask

    (H) Hope
    (E) Empathy
    (L) Love
    (P) Progress

    God grant me the diligence to discern when my being needs to be mounted on the wings of those who’s intentions are moulded by Your will.

    (Share if you struggle to ask for help even when you desperately need it)

    info@mathunzi.com

    Deemed ‘kind to a fault’. A fault perceived as a gift. A gift that gives but leaks through the cracks of my naivety.

    Teach me to ask

    (H) Hope
    (E) Empathy
    (L) Love
    (P) Progress

    God grant me the diligence to discern when my being needs to be mounted on the wings of those who’s intentions are moulded by Your will.

    (Share if you struggle to ask for help even when you desperately need it)

    info@mathunzi.com

    Deemed ‘kind to a fault’. A fault perceived as a gift. A gift that gives but leaks through the cracks of my naivety.

    Teach me to ask

    (H) Hope
    (E) Empathy
    (L) Love
    (P) Progress

    God grant me the diligence to discern when my being needs to be mounted on the wings of those who’s intentions are moulded by Your will.

    (Share if you struggle to ask for help even when you desperately need it)

    info@mathunzi.com

    Deemed ‘kind to a fault’. A fault perceived as a gift. A gift that gives but leaks through the cracks of my naivety.

    Teach me to ask

    (H) Hope
    (E) Empathy
    (L) Love
    (P) Progress

    God grant me the diligence to discern when my being needs to be mounted on the wings of those who’s intentions are moulded by Your will.

    (Share if you struggle to ask for help even when you desperately need it)

    info@mathunzi.com

I took a walk… (Short Poem) 

I took a walk mid watching ‘The Fault in Our Stars’ for the 3rd time, to ease a sudden panic attack. I thought perhaps I was responding to the movie and the rather sad story, but as soon as I picked up my phone all I could think to write was…

For each breathless, chest clenching and heart wretching anxiety attack I suffered at the memory of the hurt you generously supplied to me.

For the days when my legs failed to carry me out of these four walls that suffocate me because the pins and needles had almost become visible.

For the tears I watched my mother shed because her heart bleeds when my skin breaks.

For the humiliation of giggly girls and boys who aged only in years and inflate your ego with falacies.

For the days when I forgot how to pray… I hope I learn to forgive.
I pray to forget

Lu Chase media launch 

  

It was quite an intimate affair. Guests quietly mingled in the foyer of the Yamaha World venue, while waiting to meet and hear from Lu Chase in the venue’s theatre. Welcome drinks and finger foods were served as we waiting for the grand performance. I spotted the likes of RJ Benjamin as well as a few industry practitioners.     I was in attendance with my friend and assistant Katlego Katly Sethlare, and together we eagerly waited for the music to begin. The event’s commencement ran slightly over time, but we soon found it was all worth the short wait.  

 
We were met inside the intimate venue by grandeur. With her strong and well rehearsed band behind her Lu Chase shared with her audience her big voice, big personality and true passion for the music . Her sound, she has classified as ‘Soul’ but one cannot miss the tempo and excited aura of Rock n’ Roll. Through costume changes, choreographed musical movement of wings and songs that kept you on your feet, Lu Chase kept us well engaged and entertained. The set was not long, but its impact was felt.  Here is a short snippet, with a dash of long legs for effect

I met with Lu Chase to chat for a bit and below is a snippet of what I discussed with this talented South African beauty.  

• Tell me a little bit about yourself, where you come from and if it is allowed, how old you are 

I am 33 years old, I’m from Cape Town born and bred, but I now reside in Johannesburg and I absolutely love it here. It has really shifted my perspective on my brand and my industry quite a bit. I started off working in Musical theatre when I was 5 years old. So from 5 until 1997 when I performed for Quincy Jones I was doing musical theatre. After that I started a couple of bands and I was the head writer for a couple of labels, so I was writing songs straight out of high school, for a German label. I never thought that I would be the person in the front because my self esteem was so low, but through self discovery and costant seeking of the spiritual self I’ve now gotten to a place where I am ready to front. 

• Was music always your first choice and why or why not? 

It was always my first choice. As I said I suffered from really low self esteem so I didn’t think that I was worth it but, the very first thing I remember, being 5 years old, being pushed onto stage by my aunt and I had to sing a song. I got onto stage and I was so scared, but they gave me the mic and the light went on. The second that light went on I felt so safe. Im sure you can understand, its that feeling of absolute safety. There is nothing I can compare it to, its like home. So I knew at the age of 5 but, growing up in the area and community where I grew up, everyone always wanted me to sound like someone else. And so I always tried to sound like someone else. And then I did that show for Quincy Jones in 1997 and I said to him “everyone wants me to sound like singers you’ve produced before” but I don’t sound like Diana Ross or Tamia, my tone is so husky  and so dirty and he said ” But thats your tone. No on is going to come from America to South Africa to buy what they can buy in America honey”. So I said ok, and that set me off on a path of distinction. 

• Who are your 3 biggest musical influences and why? 

Prince! Prince just brings it man. You know he plays every instrument? And his ear is so tuned. He will go into a mixing studio and say “could you please cut 5mhz off the end of that bass roll” and if you don’t do it he will come back, listen and say ” well its good but I don’t hear that 5 mhz gone”. As horrible as he was, Ike Turner. Tina Turner has the voice that she does because she was blessed with it, but Ike Turner is the reason Tina’s voice came out the way it did. The musicallity around it just absolutely amazing. There are so many others that my brain is going like ‘ting’. I also love Andrew Lloyd Webber. 

• How would you describe your genre of music? 

Its Soul. It’s pure soul. Soul with a sprinkle of Rock n’ Roll. That is what it is. 

• Please tell us about your debut album, when it will be available and where we can find you on social media etc… 

Social media http://www.facebook.com/luchase  On Instagram it is @luchase26 Im born on the 26th of May not because I am a gangster. Twitter @msluchase. My album will be released at the end of Spring. It is my favorite season and a time for people to get social here in South Africa. The album is titled Soul’d Out because it’s all Soul. My first single has been released to radio stations, they are taking their time with it but coupled with the music video we have shot I hope it will take off. It is called ‘By my side’ and you can find it on 750 online platforms. Simply google Lu Chase – By my side and you will find it.  

 Thank you Lu Chase for the good music and the invite to enjoy not only your music but your being as a performer. 

Thank you Goldie Styling for allowing me to cover this event. It was a total pleasure. 

https://www.facebook.com/.GoldiestylingLoveLocal.Culture

Keep an eye out for Lu Chase’s upcoming album. Follow her on social media and check out her live performances. She brings a lot of heat to the stage. Something for the soul, rock n roll and live music fans to enjoy. 

Thunzy for Goldie Styling